Shoplifters are stocking up early for Christmas

 AMBLING around the aisles at Waitrose in a bit of a daze, as I tend to do these days,  I pitched up at the meat counter and was mildly surprised to notice that the reduced-price leg of lamb I was contemplating had a sticker attached to the packaging, proclaiming it to be “Security Protected”.

A glance round the chiller units showed me that some cuts of pork and beef carried similar statements – though the burgers, meatballs or sausages didn’t, and neither did some of the items in the Essentials value range.

My first thought was that we must be in the grip of some new food contamination scandal.

Maybe meat products had become the latest target of urban terrorists or animal rights activists?

But no, I decided, that couldn’t be right because the free range pork was stickered, too, and even the most committed activist would be hard pushed to protest about that.

So I asked the girl behind the counter what it was all about.

“Ooh, you’d be surprised,” she said, “what people steal these days – especially in the run-up to Christmas.

“High value joints of meat – they’ll stuff them under their arm beneath their coat, or cover them with cushions or a load of bedding.  It’s not just batteries they’re after these days, or bottles of alcohol. You’d be amazed how much gets stolen.”

I thanked her for this interesting insight into the behaviour of genteel Salisbury and returned to my trolley.

I had realised, of course, that the dreaded season of goodwill was approaching.

I could hardly have missed it, since there were strategically placed offers of organic chocolate mini-bars and those boxes of scarlet-wrapped truffles, the kind I only ever buy to stuff into people’s stockings or hang off the Christmas tree, around the store and at the checkout.

But that phrase “the run-up to Christmas” really drove home the message and filled me with dismay.  It was the first week of October.

Good Lord, there I was, stocking up on boring everyday groceries when I really should have been forging ahead with my preparations for the festive frolics.

Clearly, I have been failing in my duty as a consumer. And do you know, I suspect I will continue to do so until at least mid-November  - by which time they’ll probably have run out of everything I want.

I recall only one more heart-sinking moment in the supermarket this year, and that was the sight of “Back to School” signs over racks of grey winter uniforms before the poor little kids had even broken up for the summer holidays. Talk about spoiling their fun.

•  Two days later I popped back in and the whole place was knee-deep in Christmas kitsch, with assistants busily setting up arrays of glittering baubles just past the display of lurid Halloween merchandise. Why not stick a few Easter eggs in there, too, while they're at it?