The Alice in Wonderland world of law and order

A FRIEND has given me a garden ornament – it’s an owl with solar-powered light-up eyes.

I was relaxing in the garden one lovely warm evening last week, chatting to my husband, when I had a sudden feeling of being watched.

I turned, and found two pairs of eyes gazing unblinking at me from a flower bed.

One pair, of course, belonged to the owl, which had switched itself on as the sun sank. The other belonged to my dog, who was crouched, motionless, alongside the bird, peeping over the petals, his eyebrows raised as he willed me to notice him and throw him a ball.

They made a surreal picture, and we laughed. It’s like a scene from Alice in Wonderland, I said.

So what have my dog and Wiltshire Police’s plans for Salisbury got in common? They’re both barking, for a start.

I’d been regaling my husband that evening with tales I’ve been told about events at the increasingly crowded Melksham police station as more and more staff and functions have been transferred there from Salisbury - including the trial preparation unit, which has made it difficult to maintain day-to-day contact with the officers involved in some cases.

Apparently there have been power cuts, most people have to eat and drink at their desks because the canteen can’t seat them all, and the sewage system recently overflowed, flooding an upper floor and causing a ceiling to collapse – “not a pretty sight”, I am told.

Plus there isn’t enough parking space to cope with the influx. As a result, people are parking on the surrounding roads. So Wiltshire Council proposes to paint double yellow lines to stop them. Now that last element does sound all too believable.

Of course, as I said to my husband, my informants could be making it all up. But it’s so bizarre, so Alice in Wonderland, that I don’t think they are.

Meanwhile I’ve heard that the former Imrys Quarry on Wilton Road is the favoured site for new police facilities. Not a bad spot, I suppose, as long as any new buildings are completed before the force is turfed out of its current home.

Unfortunately, I’ve also heard that this site would be shared with Wiltshire Council, which raises questions about how the privacy of users such as victims of domestic violence or witnesses to crimes could be protected.

 A week or two back there was even a rumour that a vacant factory at High Post might be adapted for police use by having its roof taken off and a prefabricated custody unit lowered in. Was that just a joke, or a sign of desperation?

If it was true, what would happen when people were let out of the cells? Would they have to walk all the way back into town along the pavement-free A345? I suppose they could always hop on to a park and ride bus at the Beehive. That would be one way to boost passenger numbers.